Three Discoveries...
Completing the monthlong writing challenge was a pivotal moment in my quest. The discoveries revealed helped me heal and revealed a path for guiding others in doing the same.
With my 30-day deep dive into my life’s journey completed, it was time to step back and sort out what I’d discovered. There had to be some nuggets of wisdom or insight within those 77,737 words that had flowed through my fingers onto the computer screen. The question was how to discover it and separate the important insights from the random ramblings.
The truth is this writing process was different from writing I’d done before, and that left me a bit puzzled. Normally my writing approach was organized and controlled with a specific outcome in mind. My 30-day writing challenge work was done with no constraints or intended outcomes. I simply opened a document each day, typed in the question for the day, and began dumping my thoughts as they chose to reveal themselves to me.
Discovery #1—Free Writing Changes the Game…
Writing with such freedom was fascinating, frightening, and freeing. As one who can be overly judgmental when it comes to assessing my performance, I was often surprised (and sometimes shocked) by the words as they appeared on the screen.
It was fascinating to watch connections between thoughts and feelings reveal themselves on the screen. It was also difficult to suppress judgement, accept the words that appeared, and let what came next flow.
For example, one day I was exploring why I had never told anyone about the childhood trauma I experienced when an extremely negative raged-filled paragraph appeared on the screen. It was directed toward my father and revealed something I had never considered—that I felt anger toward him for not protecting me and had never realized or acknowledged it.
To be clear, that wasn’t a fair assessment of reality. But it was buried deep in my mind and needed to be seen and acknowledged. Ultimately it was one of the most freeing things I learned in my quest: In protecting myself I had buried deep-seated feelings toward a number of people in my life that had impacted our relationships in powerful ways I had never understood.
Discovery #2—Freedom comes from acknowledging the truth…
My continued writing led me to recognize there were many “truths” I had reshaped and molded to cope with my pain. The stories I’d created about those moments to help me move forward, but reflected a modified and distorted reality created to soothe myself and make things okay.
It shook me to my core to realize I’d been lying to myself for years, and I wondered whether that had kept me trapped.
More importantly, it helped me see how the stories we tell ourselves impact us both in our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with others. It also revealed how decisions made to help us survive trauma shape our lives in ways we may never realize (or even be able to acknowledge).
Looking back on my entire 30-day experience of writing about my life’s journey the insight from this pivotal moment in the process changed everything:
It gave me permission to not only acknowledge, but own the truth of my life experiences;
It freed me from the burden of thinking I had to hide my worst moments and helped me see how I might use them to help others;
It helped me understand why we make the choices we make about the stories we tell ourselves and others; and
It opened the door to reframing and reshaping my understanding of my life’s most difficult moments and their impacts.
Discovery #3—Our most difficult moments equip us for our best moments…
One of the interesting revelations from my free writing journey was the interconnectedness of seemingly disparate moments. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. We are the one constant in our life’s journey, so it is logical as we proceed that future events will be shaped (at least to some degree) by past events.
What may not be as obvious is how frequently this creates connections we may not recognize when they occur. Looking back retrospectively, they become clearer and that can help us better understand and identify their impacts.
As this pattern emerged in my review of my journey it revealed the distinction between ‘Learned Lessons’ and ‘Earned Lessons’.
Let me explain.
I realized that I Learned many lessons in my life intentionally and experientially. Some of those were delivered via educational experiences. Others came from working with or observing mentors and coaches. As a lifelong learner, many of those lessons were revealed by reading and attending live events and observing others.
But there were other moments in life where lessons were Earned when I faced a challenging situation that was beyond my control in the moment. Those lessons reshaped how I saw things and impacted everything thereafter. They were powerful and important insights that shaped my life and were usually revealed as I navigated my difficult moments.
What I came to realize was my Learned Lessons were often immediately recognized, but my Earned Lessons seldom became apparent in the moment. In fact, they were only discovered through introspection and searching for the meaning within the most challenging and difficult experiences of my life.
That’s what led me to see the value of doing the work—the potential to unlock the lessons earned from life’s most difficult moments.
It was not an easy thought to let in, but when it appeared it was an epiphany. It gave me permission to reshape the stories I had been telling myself for years. It enabled me to see how the awards, applause, and accolades I had so long sought had been realized only because of the way my most challenging moments had shaped me.
That opened the door for me to share my story more freely and confidently, knowing it could help others understand the power of doing the work to unlock the lessons earned from their life’s journeys.
P.S. That is what led to my decision to share this journey with you and in the weeks ahead to show you how to do the work and unlock your earned lessons.
Today’s Earned Lessons…
#1—Freeing yourself from judgement as you examine your life’s journey allows you to discern the lessons it has delivered.
#2—Giving yourself permission to reframe and redefine the stories you tell yourself is liberating and necessary to make peace with your past.
#3—The peace of mind that can be discovered by taking a detached view of your life’s most challenging moments is beyond worth the effort.
If you found this post helpful, I’d love for you to like and share it with others who might benefit. Thank you for reading and following this journey. I appreciate it and welcome your feedback and ideas on making this work more valuable to you.