The Finish Line...
Ultimately the quest for discovering the earned lessons from your life's most challenging moments is about creating alignment between who you were made to be and who you are being.
In last week’s post we discussed the starting line for unlocking your earned lessons. The frame of reference was introspective—taking a look at the way you see your life’s journey with a fresh perspective when you are ready. The motivating factor for doing the work was defined as ‘experiencing dissonance’.
When we experience dissonance we feel out of alignment. Often we have donned a mask and a suit to project who we think we should be. It enables us to perform our role effectively on a day-to-day basis. It is comfortable, familiar, and safe.
Until it isn’t.
On a plane ride home while drafting a summary report from a three-day planning session, the realization hit me: I had been hiding, wearing a mask and suit that projected the image everything was okay, when it wasn’t. I had been hiding who I was for decades…
…staying silent in situations where I could have (and should have) spoke up.
…playing my role as I believed others expected and not rocking the boat.
…silencing my voice for fear I might be seen as disruptive or misguided.
The list could go on, but the point has been made—I was hiding behind my mask and suit and creating a void between who I was and who I was capable of being.
To be clear, I had long felt it was necessary for me to keep doing what I was doing (aka remaining silent).
The truth is I feared sharing the real story of my journey.
In part, I simply didn’t want others to know. More importantly, I didn’t want to disappoint the people closest to me who would have been upset by the facts and feel like they had failed me. And I was concerned I would not be believed.
The realization that I was not alone…
As I reflected on that weekend and pondered why there were always one or two people in the sessions I led who sat quietly and didn’t engage, I realized something. They were just like me—something was keeping them from engaging.
Perhaps it wasn’t fair of me in that moment to project my experience onto those people, but that is what hit me. They weren’t speaking up because they didn’t feel their voice had no value.
I knew that feeling well.
The mask and suit protected them. When they came up to me during breaks and shared their ideas (hoping I would put them into the conversation) they were doing exactly what I had done many times.
My truth at that moment of discontent was that I had long wanted to ditch the mask and the suit, but I didn’t know how. I’d chased many paths hoping to escape the trap I lived in where my past haunted me and I feared confronting it.
So when I recognized the same kind of behavior in others, it was comforting…because it helped me see that I was not alone.
That was a significant pivotal moment for me.
It made me realize that doing the work I needed to do in order to create alignment between who I was being and who I was created to be was important. It was not just important to me—it could open the door to helping others. Since that has long been the only thing that truly mattered to me, that was life changing.
I share that because you may discover something similar as you ponder doing the work to create alignment in your life. You may realize that unlocking your earned lessons can bring you peace of mind and help you live more aligned on a day-to-day basis. You may also recognize living in alignment will enable you to impact others in ways you never knew were possible.
The finish line we’ve long been chasing…
If someone were to ask me to summarize the finish line for doing the work of unlocking the earned lessons from your life’s most challenging moments, I would respond simply…
Experiencing Alignment Every Day
If pushed further, I might suggest it is a bit like going to the gym (or doing whatever preferred workout you choose) until you reach the point where it is just who you are. It is no longer something you debate, you just do it because it is what you do.
The Finish Line…
…You no longer doubt whether or not to share your story, you are comfortable with it and know it can be a point of connection and a way to help someone.
…You make time to listen and ask questions that help you understand if your experience can help the person you are speaking with and then share it.
…You celebrate being free from hesitation and doubt, trusting your instincts about what to share, when to share, and with whom to share.
Most importantly, you become comfortable with who you are and how you got to where you are. Your life feels easier and you feel freer.
And isn’t that what we all hoping chasing (and hoping for)?